Syndicate

OK, I've got a few problems with this scenario. First and foremost, Hulk Hogan is not an effective spokesperson for anything except birth control. As in, "I'm a good example of one of those people who really shouldn't breed." Yeah, I know that was harsh, but Hogan really doesn't know best. Neither of his children are going anywhere in life, especially the jackass with the leadfoot. Totally f**ked up his friend's life but still has the audacity to show up at car shows. Tool.

One only has to look at the parents of the jackass to understand how he could have turned out that way. "Mother" Linda just announced she's marrying her now-21-year-old boytoy after two whirlwind years of grossing everybody else the f**k out with their frankly disturbing PDA. Her children went to school with this cheap little rent-a-cock; her ex-husband talks about doing her like OJ did Nicole when he sees the boytoy driving his Escalade around town. And now he wants to sell you a little something to clean your hands. Coincidence? Perhaps not.

But she has boobies!Now there's one I hadn't even thought about. I thought Madge and the Stray Rod were history once she found her baby Jesus, but ya never know.

Today's NY Daily News reports that Kate dumped her self-absorbed baseball star because he wouldn't cut ties with Madonna. Kate was allegedly "mad with jealousy," and broke things off rather than feel like the other woman.

This really doesn't surprise me. Kate is used to Slap Chopping through lovers at will; she's not about to play second fiddle to anyone. There are even reports that she's been spotted hovering around Owen Wilson again. I hope for his sake he runs for the hills.

I don't think Billy Mays has anything to worry about these days. Once a promising upstart and challenger to Billy's gadgeteering empire, Vince Shlomi has become the Chris Brown of the infomercial world.

This whole story is some weird shit. Seems Vince and a working girl named Sasha hooked up in a South Beach hotel room for a little bam pow (rhymes with Sham Wow). Somehow, their signals got tragically crossed: Vince paid her $1,000 for some sexy times but when he kissed her she tried to bite his tongue off. He claimed he had to hit her to get her to let go. Either she's got the jaws of a pit bull, or once he got started he couldn't stop.

The cops were called, but because they were both reeking of booze there were no charges filed. The cops took most of the money Vince paid Sasha and arrested both of them for felony aggravated battery (he was pretty banged up, too), but prosecutors declined to formally charge either one.